Bridges4Life: An Audio Installation

Favorite Places

Chyna: My favorite place in New York City? My house. My favorite place in New York City would be probably the West Village. Yeah, the first and second pier. I used to always hang out over there on Christopher Street. I loved hanging out on Christopher Street too.

Anya: Mhm.

Chyna: I don’t really think about New York. I mean, like I always tell people, I wouldn’t be able to move out outside of New York because if I move outside of New York, I’d be able to live somewhere where it’s stores, or even if I’m going to visit, it gotta be stores around or a shopping area around.

Cause I don’t know. I like to just get up at nighttime and you don’t have to go to the store. I gotta get some snacks, you know? I like to be able to just walk to the store and I, you know, have to have a car and drive with this thing. So that’s one thing I love about New York.

Aletheia: My favorite place in New York City. I have a few favorite spaces that I really love, like in each borough, but I’m just going to name two right now. The pier and like, just like downtown in general, like Chelsea, the Lower East Side, like just there. And I also really like this park by my house called Forest Park. It’s like 513 acres. And like, I go and practice my witchcraft there. At peace, you know, I’m with nature. I do shrooms there sometimes, it’s so peaceful. But other than that, yeah, my least favorite place? I don’t think that I have a least favorite place. I, I would say the gentrified areas now. Yeah. That’s the only thing, like seeing how it changed, like seeing how it became super like, rank. I don’t know. It just makes me sad and makes me really sad to see all of the other people who happened to become drug addicts due to their push-out, due to their neighborhood push out. I think that is the hormone. It’s like essentially modern-day colonialism and we don’t even acknowledge it.

Jade: Yeah, there was this little, there’s this little, like, this little cove of trees that I would go to in the middle of Prospect Park and it had one lamppost next to it, so it was kind of nice as the light changed and really in the spring, like when you looked up, it was just like a stained-glass window of like, light, like shades of green, because the leaves were so bright and, it actually felt like sheltered in a way. It almost felt like this own little home or something. And I would just balance along the logs and one day, this is maybe not something I should say, but on my birthday, me and my friend took ecstasy just that day, cause I was like, ‘it’s my birthday, let’s just do it.’ And then we like, sat there and watched chipmunks all day. And it was just honestly like a very special moment that I remember. A spot in Prospect Park.

Neptunite: I am Neptunite. I am a model. I am a gender nonconforming man. I hail from Bronx, New York.

My favorite spot in New York City is essentially the, the piers on the West Side of Manhattan, because it’s very soothing. I’m not a real, I’m not really like a club or a bar type of guy. I prefer like, you know, relaxing walks. I prefer sitting down and being with myself and just taking in, you know, the fresh air and, and relaxing things. I like to bike as well. So, it’s like, I don’t, because I like to bike, I don’t necessarily have like a specific, specific spot, but in general, if I had to choose it would be, it would definitely be the piers.

I remember in high school, after my sudden burst in confidence, upon questioning all of the logic that was used against me to make me feel ashamed of my sexuality and my femininity, I would go to the pier. Because it was my sanctuary. It was my escape from all the hurt that I’ve gone through and all the struggles that I face, along with photo manipulation like that, like, it’s, it’s what people call Photoshop, but like technically it’s manipulation.

But I remember when I got to that pier in 30th Street for the first time ever, and I saw an airport, but for helicopters. And I was so incredibly amazed because I’m also an aviation enthusiast. So, seeing helicopters take off and land up close and just like feeling the rush of winds, like hitting me as they fly, it was so surreal for me. And I felt for that moment that I was so happy, and I was free in a way. I got to explore that area, and nobody held me back and I got to enjoy watching the helicopters fly and land, and it gave me so much hope for my future. So to this day that remains like a sort of sanctuary that I go to for when I, when I want to clear my mind.

Lexi: I’m Lexi Fox, she/her and Fox for pronouns. I love Manhattan, most definitely downtown with all the lights and all that, so that’s my area, like I’ve always seen that in the movies and. When I just want to go find myself, I literally just walk into Manhattan until I see all the big lights, and just, you know, it’s very therapeutic to me in a way.

Dreams

Chyna: My name is Christina Bobbie. I like to be referred by Chyna, Chyna Black. And, and I write songs too. I write music. So, I’m a rapper. I write raps and I – I do write. I’m singing songs too. I haven’t been in a studio or anything yet. So I just been writing a lot.

Anya: Sure.

Chyna: Like I’ve been doing a lot of practice on my crap. Basically.

Aletheia: My name is Aletheia. My, like, I go – identify as a two-spirit or trans woman. I’ve always wanted to, as a child. But I kind of allowed myself to be judged by the way of this industry, like the way in which they judge people, like on the basis of talent and like if you’re talent can’t sell, then there’s no purpose in pursuing it, but now I’m looking at it – if it makes me happy, then I’ll do it. And if it comes from my soul that’s all that matters. Yeah.

Alani: I want to be like Cardi B to be honest, like, she’s my idol. And I’m trying to be up there. Like I was trying to, I want to be in times square on the headlines and on the billboards and stuff. Like when I first came to New York, I was like, oh my God, like, this is my new life. Got my new apartment, so.

Chyna: I said, become as ‘cessful – as successful as I can.

Josephine: Mm.

Chyna: Yeah.

Josephine: Fash –

Chyna: I have a lot of goals, so.

Josephine: Fashion and modeling as a big girl –

Chyna: – plus size matters.

Josephine: Plus size girls matters. Trans girls matter. Like as far as modeling and fashion. Modeling and fashion, I feel like big trans girls lives matter because it shouldn’t be about thin girls. You should be – have some plus size girls. And I feel, I feel like, plus size girls should be able to be models, just like trans girls who are thinner than us –

Anya: Yeah.

Josephine: – in the industry. And I feel that all trans people in the industry of modelling and fashion should be allowed to be hired –

Anya: Mhm.

Josephine: – and not discriminated against.

Neptunite: When it comes to, when it comes to like music, I do like, I do like beats that are more on the bassier side. I do like anything that sounds futuristic. I do like, I’m – I’m more of a melody type of guy. I’m not really for the lyrics. So if it has a good melody, if the, if the beat is like, kind of bassy it -and even like, if it has ambiance to it, I, I like it a lot. But ironically, I’m not into club music either. So it’s, that is one type of like bassy music that I don’t like. It’s too fist pumpy and I’m like, yeah, no, no.

Aletheia: Solidarity for Brown and Black trans folks is being heard and seen and not just being seen behind closed doors, cellular screens and shut blinds.

Perceived as obscene by those with closed minds,

we have our collective destinies foreseen: dead by 30, no fair.

Solidarity for Brown and Black queer folk is more than a music Facebook share.

It’s standing up and showing up through love and care.

Through equity, providing equal and fair opportunities, no more push-outs from our homes and intersecting communities.

We are not accessories, stop trying to wear us out.

I get it. We’re golden, but we are not fucking tokens.

Y’all can try and break us as we pick ourselves up piece by piece.

We acknowledge never being broken.

Whole, irregardless of being left in pieces.

A Black or Brown trans woman reaches for material riches, but she was always rich at heart, even though society left them in ditches.

Solidarity is love.

“Love is life and life is free.”

Didn’t you know? Badu.

The Soviet main game of Tetris taught me that when you try to fit in you disappear, gender variant person consistently met with cis oblivious fear.

Extracted yesterday, visiting from Nibiru.

Y’all know we exist in limbo, feminine version of Jimbo. Yeah, Neutron, with the giant cerebrum encased in a fabulous cranium.

Come embark on this mind’s quest to find Zion, as we find, as we find ways to become stronger than vibranium.

TGNCs start off as a fawn and magically convert into a majestic swan, only to become a fearless Xian.

Taoist philosophy describes Xian’s as spiritually immortal, transcending superhumans. Celestial entities, transcending past serenity through our collective identities. Trans Danny Phantom up in this bitch going from portal to portal to educate you mortals and yeah, it’s true, man. We meta mutant humans, and no I ain’t your fucking t***** you cissies can tokenize.

We not taboo, we been here and queer. It ain’t okay to fraternize with us one-on-one, and then when it comes down to it and y’all try to patronize us and try to send us in front of your cis friends, ashamed that you fantasize about us behind shut doors.

And when you’re flustered with deep feelings for us, you drop us on the floor and step all over our poor disenfranchised bodies. Insecure little boys and men bodies acting like birds and you’re really the hand. Stop being prissy sissies when a cis and trans woman fit the role of being a Missy.

A message to you transphobic cis Missies:

It ain’t okay to p – to be a pick me and poke and dissect our agenda with the very men who do the same to you. You should be ashamed, compromising our safeties when you out us to your boys. Just an FYI, most of the time, they know. We’re just treated like toys. You treat trans women experiences as a fragment, and it’s not our fault that your insecurities have remained stagnant.

We are not insects that you perceive to have this defect, collectively transphobic cis men and women, infect us with this – with this notion that there’s this agenda, one that we didn’t even receive a motherfucking memo for.

As I try to adore y’all and remain patient, I can feel the pain of our collective ancestors crying in shame at how you project ostracism onto us and deflect your criticism, as you remain oblivious to colonizers and stated Imperial binary, declaring that there are only two genders, burning and erasing the gay and the gray area in fucking flares.

And to you transphobic trans people who internalize all of the pain of colonialism and externalize it onto other visible gender variant people:

I wish you the ability to reveal so that you too may heal, as a billionaire from our success and do better other than trying to be in good graces for transphobic cis faces who don’t even accept you, only a fragment of you.

I wish you the ability to reveal, so that you too may heal as the billionaire from our success and do better rather than trying to be in good graces for transphobic cis faces who only accept a fragment of the you, except your genitals, as you metaphorically ingest fentanyl for their limited acceptance.

Everyone, learn your history before it remains a mystery. Much love and growth, here’s to an accepting approach to those we may not share a similar experience with; stay lit bright lights.

Mermaids living unfazed, a fire existing within us, truly bl- blazed.

As we catch cis people’s gaze, know that you are praised by your siblings. Dazed and hazed by existing in a world full of craze, people will despise us and create a fuss toward our authentic existence. And it’s up to us to have persistence. When cissies ask about your private areas, let them know that our genitals are nonexistent. It’s not like they’re your body’s sentinels. Let them metaphorically ingest fentanyl and gag at your unexpected responses.

Chyna: All right. So the singer part, it’s supposed to be someone else on this track with me.

So there’s the first singing part, stuff I’m not going to do. I’m just going to do the rapping part. So. [music]

Soow!

Ms. Black got that bike back, pussy boo good. Yeah, I know he like that.

Got so excited, I sat on it and ride him,

I put it down and that’s you know, I’m all about it
and then not push it back. No I be about it.

I throw it back or come back then I all about it.

And he gave me a ring and I still that bad bitch,

never pressed but he kept coming back.

Cause you know,

[vocalizing]

I’m still in love with you

Said –

back and forth here we go up on the same shit,

lah de dah type of bitch and that’s the life I live

and bet I hold you down when you was in a pinch

press down locked down, and here we go again

front to backs with them back to fronts and now I roll my blunts like them BNG cunts.

And now I light it up

bad bitches so pretty

now I make mad money and lol you just say I’m funny.

What?

Let’s go back to the place that we meet, Daddy will you hold me in the middle of the street?

I am Chyna Black, bitches could get smacked

if you fucking with my man, it depends now it’s a rap

I ain’t talking about fucking, when I sat out the way back.

You can get your face beat, yeah bitch with the Mac

Now I’m that bitch. I’m the TS

get the fuck up out my face with the BS.

I know we’re a couple hood n****s from the BX,

you tall and doofy, you looking like a T-Rex.

My babe, you’re my baby

And I’m still in love with you, still in love with you

I be that next bitch got bitches out in Texas

texting my n**** saying she do breakfast,

I would never guess this, period

and get my broken

tell me consensually bitches neck this

wanna get it, bitches ain’t even with it.

They’ll know when Chyna’s spitting, yeah I fuck and spit it

cause when I wine, n*****s do they mind?

They never had a baggage that grind all the time.

Let’s go back to the place that we meet, anywhere you want me, in the middle of the street

My baby, you’re my baby, you’re my babe, and I’m still in love with you, still in love with you

it’s the realest feeling,

Lee lah lou

How will I know if I’m still in love with you?

There’s no problem and it’s featured in my heart, saying, if you see this girl, can you tell on me right now?

Yes!

Sex Work Is Work

Alani I tell myself it’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be hopeful. It’s okay to be uncertain or upset or tired. Life was hard for me. I was forced to grow up at the age of 16. I ran away from home and I stayed with a friend because I felt as though I wasn’t accepted. It didn’t feel like home. I was the ugly sheep in my family. I was always isolated and talked about badly. I was in a dark hole for five years, lost and afraid, stuck in my own thoughts. So depressed. I didn’t love myself. I started doing sex work in 2018. Ended up being a sex slave to an older man because I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had no freedom. I went back home because I was at my lowest. I felt my mentality – mentality crashing. And it was accused of breaking in and spent three months in a County jail.

My own family threw me in jail. I got out, and as a black trans woman who did not have a high school diploma, I had no other options and went right back to sex work because it was all I could depend on. It was fast money that took care of me for the moment. I had a cousin who came to Florida to visit often. And one day she was packing to leave, to go back to New Jersey. And I made a quick decision to go with her because I felt like I couldn’t get more help there in Florida. And a few months went, and she went back to Florida and I was afraid I was gonna fall into traps and I would have to start all over again. So, I decided to move to New York and continue doing sex work in order to survive because it was so hard. And I was scared I’d be turned down because I was from Florida. And during this time coming from different states was freaking people out. And, I had a profile on a gay app called Grindr and my heading said homeless and Griffin actually noticed my heading and took action and reached out to Tahtianna. And literally, this is how I met all of everyone at Stonewall. Without Tahti and Griffin, I don’t know where I’d be today. I truly, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate them because they connected me to the ‘trans-giving’, and that’s how I met everyone. I was so shy, but I showed up, I didn’t know how everyone was gonna think of me because of how much I’ve been judged in the past and bullied to a breaking point. I still was doing sex work and I met up with a guy and he offered to pay me a lot of money for an hour. And of course, I accepted that offer and he told me it had to be unprotected sex in order for him to comply, and being that… And being that I was on the urge of sleeping outside If I didn’t, I did it. And on December 1st, 2020, I tested positive for HIV. I freaked out. I was crying, I couldn’t believe it. The guy was super discreet, and he wore a ski mask and he had no social media. And he blocked me right after the session. So, I had no contact with this person. I don’t know what he looked like. So grateful and happy I went to the hospital when I did. I’m taking the best of the medicine. I will live a full life. So to all my sex workers, please be careful, no matter how much they offer, never, ever not use protection. They are literally knowingly giving HIV to innocent people who have no hope in life. Going back to my previous statement, life hasn’t been easy on me. However, I’m halfway in a new year with so much confidence and positivity because I have found a mother, sisters and aunts who has shown me the true meaning of what love is and a community who will fight for me, even when I didn’t want to fight for myself. I love you all. And thank you for loving me. Liberation now and forever.

Josephine: I also feel that all sex workers should be able to be provided jobs, housing, and the things that they need and want most of all. So, they don’t have to sex work no more.

Anya: Right.

Chyna: Mhm.

Josephine: Because sex work is a job and sex work is hard as it is.

Chyna: Mhm.

Josephine: And, to me as being a trans woman of color, I think that more trans women of color should be acknowledged on jobs in the industry; in fashion, modeling –

Chyna: Yeah.

Josephine: -makeup, you know, like she’s a makeup artist –

Chyna: Yeah, I do many things.

Josephine: And, and I think, and I think trans people of color should also be acknowledged whether they’re light skinned or dark skinned. But most of all – but most of all – Black trans lives matter. Because they’re more – they’re more not privileged. And I feel that they need to be privileged more. And people need to be more open to Black trans women that are darker complexioned than me. Like, there’s Blackness in all different shades. Like my Blackness is light-skinned. See, like, a girl like her is dark-skinned, we’ll be more judgemental towards her, people will be more judgemental and discriminatory to her because she’s more darker skinned than me. See, I’m light-skinned, so as a light-skinned Black person of color, or Hispanic, they’re more acknowledged. They’re not more acknowledged like me. I’m a little privileged, but I still get attacked as a trans light-skinned woman of color, too.

Chyna: I feel –

Josephine: I even sometimes feel that our own Black community and our own community of color needs to acknowledge transgender of color-

Chyna: Transgender. They – yes.

Josephine: And needs to acknowledge Black trans women.

Aletheia: I just want people to acknowledge that sex work is just work. And, you know, it’s not necessarily like when sex workers talk about their labor, it’s not necessarily to try to project a facade that we are empowered through work – through the work, because I think that like the opportunity to be able to pay your bills and survive is empowering, but I don’t necessarily think like the work itself is empowering.

And I think that a lot of people get that misconstrued it. Like they think that it’s like to be like to, like, I don’t think that anybody who does labor is empowered apart from like, like other than like maybe racist cops, they feel empowered to end – end lives or save them, you know, whereas other people like we don’t really have that access, you know.

If you’re going to get mad on it, then stop promoting the industry. Stop uplifting and stop making it continue. If you really don’t like it, the thing is, is that you can afford it and it’s okay. It’s okay to admit, you know, and just be honest with yourself. Like it’s not that hard to be honest.

It’s all love though. But next time acknowledge that your favorite porn star is still a sex worker. A lot of your aunts and family members could have very much been sex workers. We just don’t necessarily correlate it because we often only think that sex work is in service, like full, like in-person full service, you know, it could have been just literally you just be – getting money for spending time with somebody, you know, it doesn’t have to necessarily just always be like that.

And I’m not – the last point that I want to make is: a lot of the men that pursue sex workers who do it because a lot of them are lonely and a lot of them need companionship. And a lot of sex workers also need companionship because we’re often the – in the last margins, you know, of society where we’re disenfranchised, ostracized, and like just ignored and overlooked until it’s time to essentially fulfill someone’s fantasy.

I just want people to acknowledge that sex workers are beautiful outside of your fetish and that’s it.

Alani Sex work in general is, it’s such a hassle and it’s like, it’s very, I want to say it’s depressing in a way, because that’s all us trans know because of us getting turned down for real jobs and other opportunities, as far as in the work field, and looking for love. And we have this look on outside, like that’s all men, or anyone, think of us as sex figures and sex work. So, like, it’s hard to find love in general. And I have, like, it’s been stressful. Like I still look back and like, I mean, I came a long way, but it’s been a long time.

Lexi: Please support black trans women, protect black trans women. Our life expectancy is extremely high. Any trans woman that said they have mental disorders, listen to her, because it’s very serious, a lot of people have a lot of mental disorders. You never know who’s in front of your face. I have four. I juggle with it, and I use my heart and passion to deal with my mental disorders. You know what I’m saying? But a lot of people may not be able to channel that and they just may go into negativity or negativity may come their way. And they don’t even understand the people that’s coming their way, don’t even understand what they’re going through. And there’s a misconception, so most definitely always take time, so if a trans woman says she needs help with elaborating on something, elaborate it for her, help that trans woman. You really don’t know what – you don’t know where we came from, you don’t know what our story is. You don’t know how we survived to this day. You don’t know what danger we in. You don’t know how many guns have been pulled out on us. You don’t know how many guns have been shot right in our face, and it did not hit us. And that’s me. Just love and protect Black trans women. That’s all I can say.

Josephine: One day, the United States of America will stand for something. Until then, that damn American flag don’t mean shit to nobody. Until the United States of America is united in unity, love, respect, honoring one another, education, training – because I’m telling the truth, that American flag don’t stand for shit. And liberty in the United States of America, bullshit. That shit don’t stand for shit. Cause if that United States of America stands for something, the whole United States of America would be treated like human beings and respectfully. And we’ll be united, and we’ll be in unity, and unifiedness, and with respect. Racism has got to go, in the United States of America.